Letterblade

In which I continue to hide under a rock

2009-12-02T19:10:57Z

...but poke my head out to attention-whore for a moment:

THE FANFICTION LOVE MEME

*wiggles, blows kisses, mentions yet again that she makes jewelry for a living, darts off to do so*

*darts back*

AWESOME! A periodic table of the elements...in cupcakes.

*darts off again*

So it's that time again...

2009-11-23T17:46:59Z

Thursday afternoon, I was abruptly informed that I'm laid off.

It came as a surprise. I'd been working there for more than a year and a half. I thought I'd made myself indispensable. My health being what it was, I wasn't at peak performance, but still...

At any rate.

I have no delusions about getting a job any time soon. Even when the economy was supposedly booming, it took me months to find a job. I'll get unemployment, I've got savings, and now I have time.

Time to see what else I can offer the world.

First and foremost, what was a side business is now becoming my primary job: Firefly Spark Jewelry. And the holidays are coming up, people. Go see if you want anything, and remember, I do custom work.

And beyond that? Well. I've been writing, with the distant intent of becoming published, for, I'd guess, about twenty-two years. I think it's about time to start moving again.

And perhaps it's time to teach myself a few new skills. I'd like to think I have some talent at basic programming, and I've wanted to start experimenting with web development. And hey, who knows what else I'll find out there?

Watch this space.

WE HAZ GAMEZ!!

2009-11-12T03:50:14Z

Intercon update! Not only are mllelaurel and I, a.k.a. Paranoid and Crotchety, re-running the much-praised Lifeline... (Sign up here!) Buuuut we are also premiere a new game! New at Intercon, new anywhere, and our largest game yet...

THE SOUND OF DRUMS

In the distant, shadowy past of myths and legends, deep in a lonely mountainous forest, where magic still pulses and saber-tooth tigers still roam the land, lives a small, isolated tribe of hunters and warriors, reclusive folk with strange ways and powerful gods. It is a full moon night, when the tribe holds council, and there is a full feast of argument and debate to come. The medicine woman has yet to choose a successor; the chief has taken a questionable lover. And four foreigners, strange outsiders, have taken sanctuary with the tribe, lived among them, and there are many who rankle at the thought.

Time for secrets to be spoken and paths to be decided. Will the outsiders stay past the dawn? Who will lead the tribe and keep its traditions? It is council night, the time of voices and change and strange, little-told tales, and as these passionate people struggle for unity, their hidden wood will ring with the sound of drums...

The Sound of Drums is a character-driven game for eighteen to twenty-four players, full of passion, politics, drumming, and storytelling. Players are encouraged to bring hand drums or other primitive percussion instruments, and/or play if instruments are available, but it is not a requirement for anybody, and no musical ability is necessary to enjoy this game. This game contains pervasive themes of bisexuality and polyamory, and is recommended for mature players. This is a Paranoid and Crotchety production.

Yes, you get to bang on things! No, it has nothing to do with Doctor Who! Think more Elfquest. :D

Website update coming when I don't have to be asleep in ten minutes.

Edit - resolved!

2009-11-08T16:26:16Z

<333333

I suppose I could now take this space as an opportunity to ramble for a bit about how fucking terrified I am that this game won't work. I think I have GM paranoia right now. Casting this run was really hard for a combination of reasons--multiple people having the same character as their optimal fit, some people having *no* characters as their optimal fit, lack of both girls and troupe members until very recently, various other issues. So I have the semi-irrational fear that I'm about to get five emails saying "I don't think this is a good character for me...."

Augh.

I also just finished rewriting the game. Rewriting anything tends to make me antsy about it, but working on this game...for one thing, I have to seriously struggle against my urge to write incredibly wordy, detailed character sheets. I wanted these sheets to be brief, impressionistic; but of course, then I'm terrified that I'm not conveying enough information to the player, or the right information. And I found a few information holes or inconsistencies, on edit, that made me facepalm *hard.* I did my best to flesh out the two significantly weaker characters on this edit, but I'm not sure they can *ever* be fleshed out enough to work (and I had to cast somebody who I know is a fabulous player as one of them even though it was not my first choice for her, even more nervemaking.)

Shebop is very much a wind-it-up-and-let-it-go game. I'm trying to set up a very peculiarly balanced, epically awkward situation with some interesting characters, purely to see how things fall apart. Engineering that situation...augh. Trying to balance this game's character sheets feels like building a house of cards. And I can only place the cards, it's *entirely* up to the players to make something out of them, as this game is meant to have very hands-off GMing (which was, btw, something I did screw up more than once in the first run)...I do not do hands-off well. I'm scared that a badly cast player is going to send the whole thing tumbling down. I...I...

*insert sound of GM undergoing nervous implosion*

I keep telling myself that most of the players enjoyed the first run. There was some issues; I'm doing my best to fix them. And I think I've definitely made a few things more interesting, even with the relatively minor edits I'm doing. (Just adding eleven words to one particular sheet may *completely* alter the tone of the game; and that's all I'm saying about that here.) But asldkfjalsdkjf. My nerves are overriding my intellect here.

Is this normal?

(((I just had a drop in Shebopaleileigh, the game I'm running Friday night at SFS.

I am looking for a LARPer, ideally female, with high tolerance for odd character elements; saying no more due to spoilers. The character available is an older woman, somewhat manipulative, recently widowed and in a very interesting position.

I have already sent out character hints, some of which are spoilers, though not full sheets. (Because I'm rewriting the game, um, today. ^^;;;;;) I could possibly casting-shuffle to accommodate, but I'd rather not.

Know anybody? PASS IT ON!)))

The requisite Intercon post

2009-11-05T12:58:29Z

Complicated by counting premature chickens...mllelaurel and I currently have a second bid under review, shooting for either Saturday afternoon or Friday night.

Friday night: Assuming I am not GMing, my first choice is Story Wars, which will probably be my signup next week, if it's still open. If it isn't, mrr. Jungle Book, maybe? Divus Ex games, fairy games, Wild West, and dating all don't sit hugely well with me. Blackout is full. We'll see.

Saturday morning: GM tiemz! We are running Lifeline. It'll be fun. In a scaring you sort of way.

Saturday afternoon: Hoping for more GM tiemz. If that doesn't go through, Oz, Securemarket, and Arcana are all possibilities.

Saturday night: Signed up! Leash on a Rocket Launcher, natch. (For a while before signups opened, Lily was squeeing about that game and planning to sign up. And I'd had an epic case of the stupid and not realized that the games on the game list, which showed their teensy blurb, also linked to the full blurb. So I'd looked at the teensy blurb and gone 'meh,' but then I finally discovered the full one and found out the leashes were not metaphorical. Mmmmmm. Looking forward to that one.)

Sunday morning: Eh, it's Sunday morning. Most crack games don't grab me, especially not after losing an hour to daylight savings. I doubt I'll have the energy for Ten Bad. Will probably sign up for GM space if it's open.

LARP stuffs...

2009-10-31T01:47:33Z

So there's this LARP weekend coming up in Worcester, which you, um, may have heard of if you're in the LARPing circles. ^^;; Seeing as I've pimped it before.

Linkie.

My schedule for that weekend:

Friday night: GMing my game Shebopaleileigh. THERE IS STILL A SLOT OPEN, btw. Y'know, not to be subtle about it or anything! We can run with current cast, but another player would be very welcome. Female preferred, but not necessary.

Saturday morning: Attempting to sleep in a bit before playing in Choices III. Haven't gotten a character yet; don't know if we even do get characters in advance. Weird-looking game, can't tell.

Saturday afternoon: Deep South by Daylight. No character yet.

Saturday evening: Chateau Ennui. No character yet. So not staying up for the game they just added. I'm a lazy butt.

Sunday morning: Marin County. Just got my character. And, er, WEIRD COSTUME REQUEST...I don't suppose any of you lovely local people have costume components that could be hacked into a lolita maid outfit? About...*contemplates navel*...I think my belly inflation is up to a size eighteen these days? Because that character is kind of screaming out for such a thing.

Now off to rewrite Shebopaleileigh two weeks before it runs. Because I'm Like That. *failface*

My First Fail

2009-10-14T02:05:20Z

...at least in this new and exciting jewelry-making business. >.>

So, me being me, I of course created a series of spreadsheets to record, amongst other things, my pricing calculation. So I could just enter in, y'know, X of Y beads at Z cents apiece, and so on, and it would automatically add it up, calculate Etsy's fees, show me my profit margin both online and in person, accounting for the various fees, and so on. And, of course, I copied/pasted and used that series of formulae for everything.

Until today, when I discovered that I'd screwed up.

*facepalm*

So the bad news is that I had spreadsheet fail, which has now been fixed.

The good news?

I realized I could reduce most of my prices a little.

So go. Browse about. Laugh at my spreadsheet fail. At least I've got some more stuff listed!

Coming soon: miniature doll jewelry and Thelemic pieces.

THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING ALL SUMMER...

2009-10-07T01:52:58Z

...y'know, aside from being sick and halfheartedly trying to write LARPs.

(God, I get SO much more productive when Mercury gets his skinny ass out of retrograde.)

SHINIES. I MAKE ZE SHINIES.

And so does ninjapooka. And now you can buy them.

And I need to list so much more stuff. SRS. I've listed 16 items, and we've got over fifty in stock. ALSKDJSFD. Must train ninjapooka to list things.

*putters off to eat soup*

LADIES WANTED...

2009-10-01T01:31:11Z

...or at least, ladies who LARP, plan to be in Worcester in November, and are interested in (and have not yet played) this game. Being particularly ladylike is not required. ;) Some secondary info about the game is here. Knowledge of the Pirates of Penzance is not required.

In other news, I just did this for the first time. It's...weird. I don't know if I could get used to doing it every day; the sensation as my nose is filling up, before it starts coming out the other side, is quite unpleasant to me. But it does seem to be helping with my currently epic nose/sinus congestion. And given that the congestion is currently bad enough to prevent me from sleeping...yeah. >.>

Pouring water up my nose: not something I ever expected to do voluntarily.

In other news, I am an exhausted lump and continuously failing at work.

*lump sound effects*

So as you can probably tell...

2009-09-25T12:05:37Z

...this is me trying to get back into the regular posting habit.

Forehead + keyboard = AWESOME.

At any rate, I FRIGGIN SLEPT LAST NIGHT. Yay. If this was my body's convoluted, work-time-stealing way to tell me to wash my sheets, I'm gonna smack it. I'm now tired, but in a well-rested kind of way, because my body's all like "that was good, I need more, get me back between those nice clean flannel sheets..."

Silly body.

That aside...most of the plot of the game that mllelaurel and I are considering writing and bidding for Intercon J (assuming they even still need games; do they even still need games?) fell into place in my head last night. Not quite all of it, but enough to know more-or-less who's in the game (it looks like it's going to be in the 14-24 player range, fairly evenly gender-balanced), the basic system, and the general outline of who's trying to do what.

I had worried that this game wouldn't have enough plot. Now I don't *think* that'll be the case. Although it's not what I would call Crazy Awesome Overplotted, I think things might go nicely.

BTW, Crazy Awesome Overplotted is when everybody in the game is just friggin' overloaded with things to do. There are two games that come to mind: The Final Voyage of the Mary Celeste and The Bard of Avalon. Consider this a hearty endorsement for both of them, not that anyone who's ever LARPed needs an endorsement for the former.

BTW, Bard--and I know it seems strange to be pimping my ex's work, but that was a goddamn good game irregardless--is FINALLY RE-RUNNING. YAYAYAYAY! (It first ran two IMAs ago, and as far as I know has never run since, Boston area or elsewhere, to my continual disappointment.) It's at the same LARP weekend that I'm re-running Shebop at. So if you can get to WPI in November and haven't played, fuck yes, sign up!

Two whole posts within two days! A miracle, I know.

2009-09-24T11:14:21Z

Paranoid and Crotchety (my LARP minitroupe, with mllelaurel) are running our squee-winning game Shebopaleileigh at the SFS Live Action Weekend at WPI in November.

...that was a very confusion sentence to type when I've barely slept last night. Woke up every twenty-thirty minutes. The whole damn night. Aaaserjkrghjdhfgksadjfk.

AT ANY RATE. Our website is also updated.

PARANOID AND CROTCHETY, now with more ~~shotguns~~ pages.

Doctor hunt

2009-09-23T16:29:57Z

O HALP, I CAN HAZ UR DOKTER?

Assuming your doctor is good?

I'm falling the hell apart.

Recent, as in past week or two, developments:

- Maybe I have my mother's asthma? I am sometimes severely out of breath after climbing stairs--as in panting for three or four minutes--and sometimes feel as if my chest is tight or I cannot get a full breath, even when I am sitting about.

- Severe insomnia. Insomnia never used to be a problem of mine. WTF, self?

- Exhaustingly high levels of stress and anxiety, especially at work. I like to think I can be pretty chill about things. Evidently I can delude myself into thinking I'm chill right up until thinking that I need to crawl under my desk/into bed and never come out.

- Something I might almost call brain fog. Again, particularly at work. Cannot concentrate on anything, do not want to do anything except stare into space. And again, not a problem I usually have. Usually I'm very active and focused, as people who know me probably know. And of course this is sending my work performance down the tubes, which makes the above worse. Vicious circles all around.

This on top of months' worth of constant exhaustion, worsening depression, congestion, and appetite and digestive fluctuations. Everything's going just a little wrong with me all the time, and I am out. Of. Cope.

I am looking for the following:

- An astute PCP who's willing to listen to all my issues and try to do something about them, or refer me to appropriate specialists, rather than simply dismissing it as "you're fat, go get skinny." Yes, I've had that happen. Or, for that matter, that it's all in my head. If I could solve this shit by applying willpower, I would've done so, oh, WHEN IT STARTED.

- A good therapist. I'm skittish about therapists. I have issues with letting people help me; I have a whole host of odd hobbies that leads to a need for queer/poly/kinky/pagan friendly therapists. Mainly I am dealing with depression, and the attending self-worth issues, and anxiety/stress.

- And/or: A good psychiatrist. I'm on Celexa, which--I discovered after being unable to refill my prescription for a few days--is far worse than being off Celexa, but obviously I am still having issues. Perhaps I need a brain-med adjustment.

God. I am a wreck. *facepalm*

If you have personal recs, or even just can point me towards helpful directories/lists, I would be pretty pathetically grateful. I don't know when in hell I'm going to find time to see anybody, but having contacts would be a good first step; and it's not like anybody can help with the time issue. I drive; I'd be willing to drive a fair bit, except possibly for regular appointments, to deal with this shit.

Tory is a quitter, round 59348239746

2009-07-22T11:56:08Z

So Blogathon is coming up.

I'd signed up and everything. Got two donors through the Blogathon site. Which is back up this year, because the 'Thon's official, which would make it easier to advertise, get donors, etcetera.

But I hadn't done any advertising. I was waffling on what to do for my usual 'Thon writing project, made harder by the fact that my writerbrain is utterly dormant. And, well.

I've been nebulously sick for six months plus. Constantly congested and fatigued, physically and mentally, with other problems rotating through. (Most recent? Wracking cough.) I've seen my doctor twice about it, and she just gives me antibiotics and tells me to go away and lose weight. Sure, maybe I'm too fat, but I suspect the problem lies elsewhere.

I can barely make it through a normal day on eight or ten hours of sleep. I'm not going to make it through Blogathon.

Yeah, I feel scummy. And I'm very, very sorry. And I feel even worse because there are folks doing Blogathon, including good friends of mine, who have worse health trouble. But I'm just...wiped out.

Blogathon next year. Once I find a better doctor. I hope.

Don't elect me governor of Alaska, y'all.

Am in permanent mercury retrograde...

2009-06-20T07:49:57Z

...in the sense of communication fail. As in, I completely forgot to announce that I would be inCalifornia for a bit.

I am now in California. Gay Area, specifically. Mostly doing family stuff , but if I can sneak out for a bit...anyone know any good kinky stores, or other fun places to hang?

Posted from iPhone. Sorry for typos.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Meep. Meep. Meep.

2009-06-11T15:40:19Z

I very rarely post ~~at all~~ from work. But, meep, I needed to go somewhere, metaphorically speaking, and quietly FREAK OUT FOR A BIT. What with, y'know, terrorists shooting people to death in churches and museums. I am freaking out a bit.

It's odd, I suppose. The much larger-scale attacks committed by international Muslim-fundamentalist terrorists frightened me less. Maybe it's because they scared so many other people into overreacting, and I deliberately took the calmer attitude. Maybe it's because they were so tremendous, so shocking, that they didn't quite register in the same way. It's much easier to be scared of being shot by a nutjob when you walking down the street than to be scared of having twenty well-organized nutjobs flying planes into you. What's simpler is more plausible, more likely to happen again.

But smaller-scale attacks committed by domestic Christian-fundamentalist terrorists? Yeah, I'm scared. Maybe because of the plausibility. Maybe because Fox News and talk radio are practically cheering these guys on in their efforts to murder and terrorize American citizens. But really--

Al Qaeda targeted Americans. And that's a very, very broad target. I identify only vaguely as American, mostly because I happen to be born and raised here and because I agree with the basic tenants of liberty and equality which the American government and political culture likes to shit upon. And it's a very, very big target. Millions upon millions. When 9/11 happened, I didn't know anybody personally involved. I think I'm as closely connected to the writers of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine as I am to anyone deeply affected by those attacks.

But these guys who have been shooting policemen, doctors and woman's health specialists, Unitarian congregants, security guards whose only crime is standing about in a Holocaust memorial?

I was raised Jewish. I'm a sexually active, pro-choice woman. I'm queer and very out about it. I'm a progressive liberal. And those are all things I do identify with, quite strongly.

Not personally, no, but ideologically? These terrorists are targeting me. They're targeting my friends, my lovers, people whose work I admire. They're targeting my lifestyle, my ideas, my ethics. They've murdered, and will continue to murder, people like me.

So, yeah, I guess it's a monkeysphere thing. Much as I try to have a strong sense of sympathy and personal identification, it's still more likely to extend to Dirty Fucking Hippies like me than to America as a whole. But it's a rather jarring moment when you realize that there are folks out there who want people like you dead.

Meep.

Though I shouldn't complain too much--I've got it easy. I'm white, so I can walk down the street without worrying about getting shot by cops. I'm able-bodied, so I can call the EMTs and have a reasonable expectation that they might actually help me. I'm cisgendered, so I can show somebody my genitals without, again, worrying about getting shot.

Goddamnit.

I mourn for the victims. I pray for the survivors. And I still hope, even if I know it's in vain, that our country might find sanity at some point.

Oo, can I be a meme sheep and a comment whore at the saaaaaame time?

2009-05-22T12:07:52Z

THE ANONYMOUS WRITING FEEDBACK MEME

I can, yesh, precioussss.

Coffee is yummy. Work is eating my soul. I am a mess. Those are the truths of the Tory right now.

Pardon me while I get political for a bit.

2009-05-14T00:13:25Z

I'd meant to post this for several months now. And I heard the last relevant bit of news several days ago, but I'm only just now getting off my ass and posting. Because. Gah.

Italics are excerpts from The Dark Side: The inside story of how the war on terror turned into a war on American ideals by Jane Mayer. Bold italics from A Question of Torture: CIA interrogation, from the Cold War to the War on Terror by Alfred W. McCoy. And most of this post, really, will be excerpts, wholesale; because this thing stuck in my craw ever since I read the book four or five months ago, in a way that makes me want to stick it into everyone else's craw too.

On that day, December 19, 2001, Pakistani security forces, blocking the chaotic escape of those fleeing Afghanistan over what were called "rat trails" through the mountains, captured what was considered the first big prize in the war on terror. He was an alleged Al Qaeda commander by the name of Ali Abdul Aziz al-Fakhiri, better known by his nom de guerre, Ibn al-Shaykh al-Libi. The Pakistanis quickly turned al-Libi over the Americans...

At the FBI's field office in New York, Jack Cloonan thought they had a possible gold mine.... With the criminal justice model in mind, he advised his FBI colleagues in Afghanistan to question al-Libi respectfully "and handle this like it was being done right here, in my office in New York." He recalled, "I remember talking on a secure line to them. I told them, 'Do yourself a favor, read the guy his rights. It may be old-fashioned, but this will come out if we don't. If may take ten years, but it will hurt you, and the Bureau's reputation, if you don't. Have it stand as a shining example of what we feel is right.'"

Al-Libi was a small man who liked to smile a lot, in a way that seemed genuinely friendly, not malicious.... Once he got started, he just talked and talked. In fact, he talked so much that they had to keep pocketfuls of pens warmed by their body heat, because in the frosty Spartan cell they were using as an office, the ink kept freezing before he was done. They could barely keep up.

"He was expecting us to pull out his fingernails or something," a source familiar with the interrogation, who was not authorized to describe it on the record, recalled. "But when he found out that we were really there to listen, and that he was stuck, with no way out, he just opened up."

Amongst various intelligence al-Libi provided, it emerged that he hadn't actually liked Bin Laden, who had tried to force him to train only Al Qaeda fighters, not all Muslims, which was his preference. Most important, they claimed, al-Libi gave the agents specific, actionable intelligence--information that could save American lives. Defenders of coercion in the Bush Administration would go on to argue that the extreme urgency of getting such operational information justified their approach. But without coercion, al-Libi told the FBI team of an approved plot by Al Qaeda that was in the final stage before execution, to blow up the U.S. embassy in Aden, Yemen. A source close to the interrogation maintained that this was corroborated, averting what would likely have been a deadly attack.

Almost important as what al-Libi said was what he didn't say. Although Fincher reportedly pressed al-Libi hard on any ties between Al Qaeda and Saddam Hussein's regime in Iraq, the Al Qaeda commander told the investigators he knew of none.

In exchange for his cooperation, there was something al-Libi wanted.... He had a Syrian wife. He wanted for her, and her family, to be able to come to the United States. He was willing to be prosecuted himself if a deal could be struck.

The FBI wasn't the only agency who wanted to get their hands on al-Libi and the information he had. The CIA station chief in Kabul had problems with the way the FBI team was approaching things. He complained to Cofer Black at Langley, and that got Director Tenet going to the White House. And the FBI lost that fight, and found CIA agents barging into their office in the middle of their discussion.

Back in Kabul, Cloonan recalled, "CIA officers come in, start shackling al-Libi up. Right before they duct tape his mouth, he tells our guys, 'I know this isn't your fault.'"

That was the bit that stuck with me. "I know this isn't your fault."

Al-Libi was sent to Egypt under the extraordinary rendition program.

Cloonan retired from the FBI in disgust, after a twenty-seven year career.

In March of 2003, the U.S.A. invaded Iraq. One of the justifications used by the U.S. government was Saddam Hussein's support of the Al Qaeda terrorists.

In 2004, after al-Libi was returned to the custody of the United States, he told the CIA that Egyptian security officials had threatened him with "a long list of methods that could be used against him which were extreme." He said the Egyptians pressed him in particular to admit to knowing about ties between Al Qaeda and Saddam Hussein in Iraq. This pressure occurred in the crucial months prior to the U.S. invasion of Iraq, when the Bush Administration was trying to substantiate the case for war. Al-Libi told the CIA that he "knew nothing" about the subject so he "had difficulty even coming up with a story." Dissatisfied with his nonresponsiveness, he said, the Egyptians locked him in a tiny cage for more than eighty hours. Al-Libi still didn't know what to say when they let him out. At this point, al-Libi said, the Egyptians knocked him over and punched him for fifteen minutes. Then, when again they asked him about links between Saddam Hussein and Al Qaeda, according to the report, he admitted to the CIA that he had made a story up. He accused three Al Qaeda figures he knew--using their real names--of going to Iraq to learn about nuclear weapons.

Al-Libi told the CIA that the Egyptians pressed him about Saddam Hussein supplying Al Qaeda with anthrax and other biological weapons.... Again he was beaten, this time, he said, "in a way that left no marks." He subsequently fabricated additional details, which were piped into the Vice President's office, among other places, and used by the Bush Administration to buttress its allegations that Iraq was on the verge of supplying Al Qaeda with potentially terrifying weapons of mass destruction.

According to two FBI officials, al-Libi later explained his subsequent lies matter-of-factly. "They were killing me," he said. "I had to tell them something."

Ibn al-Shaykh al-Libi died a few days ago in a jail cell in Libya.

It was reported as a suicide.

There are doubts. And not, the cynic in me thinks, merely because suicide is forbidden by Islam.

If this is an old story to you, I apologize for tying up your friends list with it. But if this is the first you've heard of this--please, if you have a moment and a few neurons to spare, think about this. Or go here, or here, and follow some links.

I wanted to post this partially for the political reasons, sure. One of those 'look at how this country has done business for the past eight years, now tell me why were aren't prosecuting these people' posts. Because I'm a dirty fucking hippie like that. But also, partially, for a purely personal, abstract reason--like I said, this stuck in my craw.

"I know this isn't your fault."

RELEASE THE PHOTONS!

2009-05-04T20:04:36Z

So, at the indirect urging of family members, I got myself a present. Look, ma, I even found the self-timer!

It's a Nikon D60, second lowest level of their DSLRs. It is, naturally, named Alastor, which nevacaruso pointed out as the obvious. I bought it (along with a second lens (55-200mm), tripod, assorted accessories, etcetera) for noticeable discount at Microcenter's digital camera sale.

I had long been wanting a digital camera, and had often entertained myself by browsing reviews of compact cameras, not thinking I could afford or figure out how to use an SLR. However, I would usually come out frustrated, as the two things I dislike most about digital cameras--noisy images and slow shutter times--plague many cameras to this day. But then I got a look at the sale prices on the entry level DSLRs, read a few reviews, and got hooked. I was originally looking at the D40, but 4 more megapixels and an autofocusing kit lens for a mere $50 increase yanked me up to the D60.

I've never owned a camera any more elaborate than a point and shoot, and barely had any idea what an f-stop was. But this thing *can* be used as a point and shoot camera, and now that I've started futsing around with some of the manual settings, I'm a little proud of what I can do--only a few days after getting it, with barely any photography experience. Crappy self-timer photos aside, of course.

A few more photos below the cut. Links lead to unedited images--full-size, etcetera.

Once I had everything unwrapped and the battery charged, I took it for a quick spin down my street. Unfortunately, it was just after sunset, the light was poor, and I was only just getting the hang of the point-and-shoot modes, so pretty much everything is either blurry or overflashed. I did snap a few neat pictures of the cloudy fading sky though...

Just a bit of fire left up there.

The raw version of this is currently my desktop.

I spent Saturday hangin' out with the Usual Suspects (mllelaurel, nevacaruso, and pookit), and brought Alastor with the intention of using the internet for one of its Two Primal Purposes. (Cat pictures and porn.)

Her name is Claw, and she's a silky, dignified beauty who tolerated the flash and glistened smugly. Also, I love selective desaturization.

Claw's human provides attention.

I then ambushed a dandelion head in the garden. I think I should have gone for manual focus there, as the auto didn't seem to work quite right, but I was only just figuring out how to do that.

When driving to New England Mobile Book Fair (none of them had been there, and I had to fix this!), we wandered past this house in Newton with this crazy-adorable Tiny Cupola Porch. We squeed. The colors looked a little odd, and I'm not sure my clumsy Photoshopping did anything to improve them. But, hey, Tiny Cupola Porch!

After bookgasms, we went to New England Soup Factory for soupgasms, where we found random bowls of fruit in the window of dubious species and artificality. They were lemon-shaped but orange in color, so we dubbed them orons. I entertained myself with my camera during the wait for the single bathroom. The one with the green nose has character.

Today, having requested a vacation day from work (pretty much to have some time to relax), I decided to make some serious attempts to photograph things.

I was pretty much dicking around at this point, just getting the hang of the semi-manual modes and so forth, but I got such unexpectedly gorgeous colors that came out of my housemate's liquor cabinet that I got distracted.

Badly distracted.

Oo, shiny!

Then I Got Serious, cleared off a portion of the polished and faintly reflective dining room table, jammed a tripod into a corner of the room, and got to work. I had enough nifty things from my recent origami spree to have entertaining subjects without even leaving the room or borrowing more of my housemate's stuff.

Underexposed, but I like it. At this point I was going completely manual, as the camera was being contrary with my desire to not use flash. (It kept trying to lock up the shutter. I discovered that setting everything manually, down to the focus, bypassed its concerns.) The only light was cloudy sunlight coming in through the window to one side, but I think I dealt with that well.

Another shot of the boxes that came out nicely. These are both from Tomoko Fuse's Origami Boxes book--y'know, the one with the awesome boxes and incomprehensible directions. Each of them will likely be the first in a set, as I have matching papers in different colors that I want to play with. And the cloudy sideways light made the texture of the paper pop wonderfully.

I also had these patchwork balls I'd made, mostly to use up stray pieces of paper, that I was quite fond of. I wasn't quite able to compose the shot I wanted--the focus and depth of field wasn't quite behaving, and composing things with your camera pinned to a tripod is hard. So I randomly stacked them and decided to have another go. This time I went down to a very small aperture, to get everything in focus, and had to bump up to shutter speeds in the one-second range. Huzzah tripods and two-second shutter delay! I just love the clarity in some of these images. In retrospect, though, I should've shot raw, to try to rescue the blown highlights.

And that is the best for now. *hugs her camera*

April being the cruelest month, etcetera

2009-04-24T03:05:11Z

It's been almost a year since he dumped me.

*gingerly pokes wounds*

Nope, still fresh. Scabbed a little, maybe. Nowhere near healed. Whatever battle I was supposed to fight, whatever test the universe was giving me, I lost. Too weak to survive one stupid breakup intact.

And I'm a stupid donkey for having my first LJ post in foreverandaday be emo.* It's not like there isn't other stuff I keep meaning to post. Like postmortems on the LARPs I ran, or the tabletop game that's been brewing in my head, or the quiz that told me I was Chip Delaney. But I have a splitting headache, and feel like I'm going to throw up, and have just realized that I've been walking around with a dead spot in place of my heart for a year.

I'm going to take my painkillers and my antidepressant and go the fuck to sleep now. I had better feel better in the morning.

* Something I have realized: I have never been much of a person for "it is forbidden, thus I will do it and enjoy it." (Not that I don't do forbidden things--heck, I have a rack of sex toys on my wall--but I do them in spite of that, not because of that.) But, damn, I've realized that publicly posting about my negative emotions on LJ is a highly subversive thing, given my upbringing (show no negative emotions or you are yelled at) and my social conditioning from my two long-term relationships (showing negative emotions is manipulation, or overreacting, or childish; and Cyn in particular would get very upset with me if I posted to LJ about stuff.) So. Here I am doing the subversive thing and, in part, enjoying it because it is subversive.

Huh.

ACK - Treaty is NOT full after all!

2009-03-14T10:33:47Z

Edit: filled. Thank you!

I just had a drop.

Anybody out there want to play a very innocent, very earnest sort of character who's got a couple of major plots to be dumped on his head? Gender not a problem, as I am cross-casting freely. Series knowledge really not a problem; if anything, will probably be more interesting to play this character without. There will be some political involvement, but not a huge amount.

The catch? The reason this character is freakin' impossible to cast? He's seven. An extremely precocious and eloquent seven; hell, you could play him as if he were ten or twelve and come off well. But a kid nonetheless.

Anybody interested? Please let me know as soon as possible!

Huzzah!

2009-03-13T04:54:30Z

Treaty is full and cast, and I have a gamemaster minion for it as well, so perhaps the run won't be total chaos!

*does the GM butt-dance*

*writes madly*

PIMPING LIKE A PIMPING THING

2009-03-12T03:33:36Z

FULL! The Treaty of Pallas. Sign up here. If you're one of the people who's interested but hasn't decided yet, I would like to gently (with a STICK) nudge you to decide. ;)

~~TWO~~ ONE SLOTS LEFT: Lifeline, and signups just opened yesterday. Sign up here.

~~FOUR~~ THREE SLOTS LEFT: Shebopaleileigh, and signups just opened yesterday. Sign up here.

...someday there will be some content in this journal which does not involve madly advertising LARPs. SOMEDAY. *facepalm*

Also?

THANK YOU AND WELCOME TO ALL MY FUTURE PLAYERS! *GM cackle*

UPDATING STUFF

2009-03-10T00:26:32Z

No con report yet. Maybe con report tomorrow?

Paranoid & Crotchety - Updated!

We are probably running our Iron GM game at FestEvil. I have been commanded to do so by a room full of drunk people. And one cannot ignore the demands of a room full of drunk people!

Also,

Yet Another Damn Escaflowne Marathon

I've had requests for another screening pre-game, so I will be hosting one noon-to-midnight-ish this Saturday (only time and date available at this point, sorry), same location as last time, for any who can make it and wish to brush up on their canon (or just see an AWESOME ANIME.)

Also,

I still need at least four more players for Treaty of Pallas!

More info at the above link. In case you haven't heard about this already.

*FLAILS and goes back to writing games*

GAAAAAAME x2

2009-03-04T03:18:45Z

GAME 1:

The Treaty of Pallas: Friday, March 20th, 7 pm, Brandeis.

...yes, I finally have a date, and I am finally bothering to post the date here. *headdesk*

It is the Year of the Sun Northwest in the world of Gaea, a land of beasts and dragons, cradled by the heavens and loved by the earth. Tonight, on the eve of the orange month of summer, kings and princes, ambassadors and warriors, have come from many countries to meet in the splendid city of Pallas and negotiate the final settlements of grief, loss, bloodshed, and revenge. For, less than a year ago, the Fate War ravaged the continent. The northern country of Zaibach, under the leadership of her mysterious emperor, began a ruthless campaign of expansion, powered by military technology of a destructiveness Gaea had never known. Zaibach was finally defeated by an unsteady alliance of neighboring countries, but not before catastrophic loss and atrocities on both sides.

Tonight, on the eve of the negotiations, old grievances and blood will be aired, new alliances forged, and unexpected friendships made. Perhaps war will loom yet again; perhaps new enemies are yet to be discovered; but perhaps Gaea will finally find peace.

Casting Questionnaire!

Please go fill out the questionnaire if you are sure you can make it? I am still some players short.

And I am still writing the game. *headdesk x2* As soon as I fill the run and cast, I shall send out character names and costume hints. As soon as possible after that (especially for the OCs or the obscure charactrs) I will send out bluesheets and partial character sheets. I will admit, though, that full character sheets may not be done until a few days before game. *flails*

GAME 2:

Yes, we finished the Iron GM game!

Lifeline, written by Tory and Lily in under 24 hours (we conked for three) for the Iron GM contest, is a game of black comedy, interstellar horror, fractured identity, and religious extremism, played out by twelve escaped, half-amnesiac, max-sec prisoners dangling helplessly in empty space. With geese.

Y'know, the sort of thing you could only come up with during this sort of contest. >.<;;;;

(I feel a deep and burning urge to share the character names--in all cases, prison nicknames--as they are certainly not spoilers, and as they amuse me immensely. Babyface, Blondie, Catcher, Cranky, Farthead, Flower, Geek (that being in the carnival sense), Hitter, Mickey, Sluggy, Walleye, and Zonk. ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK.)

I just hope the run goes vaguely well. Need to get to a dollar store to buy props tomorrow.

Also?

2009-03-01T08:05:04Z

~~Icankillyouwithmybrain~~ I just got to type the sentence:

"You hope Zonk speaks truth."

Complete character sheets: 6/12
Half-written: 4/12
Nuthin' yet: 2/12