Letterblade

Belated happy new year! I hope this one's easier on me than the last. Resolution-wise, well, I've failed every one I've kept in the past. Argh. Why can I never see anything through?

Radio silence due, to a large part, to a character and universe eating my brain which are only shared amongst a small crowd (me, mllelaurel, and nevacaruso, so far, with pookit just getting introduced.) May attempt to post character profile etcetera later.

It's 2009. This is bewildering. I've been feeling very meandery and out of touch with pretty much everything recently. Sheer amount of brainspace given to fictional people and stories is partial cause, hence copious daydreaming; as for the rest, not sure. Not dealing with responsibility well, continually reverting to the horrific flakiness I've had at earlier points in my life, which worries me.

A good friend and I wound up having sex for the first time and going out to dinner afterward. She borrowed my clothing due to her own being over-worn and smelly, so classic walk of shame, and we ordered almost exactly the same thing for dinner, which I've never done before. Embarrassing amounts of coupliness.

I now have a penis. It is shiny and white and lives in my closet.

So my new crack these past few days--besides, of course, the FFX replay, which is to the last save point--is reading the archives at, say, Feministing. Or this crackin' blog (that particular link is image-heavy, maybe NWS, but I love it for containing the line "[I'm] wondering if fangirls are the future of feminism.")

I have never really considered myself a feminist. More of a of-course-men-and-women-are-equal-now-let's-get-over-it-and-talk-about-new-stuff-ist. And, yeah, I've lived in enough of a privileged liberal bubble for my entire life that I could get away with it. Hell, I've barely experienced any discrimination/hostility/put-downs for being queer, never mind female; it's one of my basic assumptions that the answer is always "yes, I can, and should," or "yes, women can, and should." I entertained presidential fantasies. You know.

And I never really had any direct interest in feminism or women's studies or that general intellectual area. (Which I would now, after extensive study reading two blogs, categorize as "what this world, as it is, does to women--who, btw, do kick ass, thank you--and how we can go about making things better in that regard.") It was pretty much a "you people and your quaint little categories" reaction.

That started changing--because you will never escape fandom with me!--when the idea for Stars bit me in the ass. Because--I've rambled about this extensively before, but will condense--what drove me to write that thing was not just "oo, shiny" or "oh fuck, Stella's HOT" (well, some of the latter), but the fact that this fic, rare for me, seems to be Saying Something. And the ideas and the characters started catalyzing when I stopped and thought, "wait a minute, how would people react to an independent female superhero at X time? Or to a woman beating up Nazis/being a doctor/running an international munitions firm in 1942/1966/1972?" And the answer was generally "not well."

And that started me thinking--mostly at the hindbrain level--about how society shapes women as opposed to men. Which I'd never really thought about before. And then it kind of all exploded to the front when I randomly clicked through to Feministing from a general political blog, and...

...now I find myself sitting here thinking, "I'm a feminist."

That's new.

I have always had a vague aversion to the word. Mainly because I vaguely associate it with female chauvinism, which is one of my major pet peeves. I happen to like men; of the people I've known personally, I've had far more quarrels and abuse issues with women than with men; and my general goal with this sort of thing is equality. I get pissy when either primary gender treats the other like second-class people who think only with their dicks/uteri/wallets/cars/mall gift cards. It strikes me as defeated the point.

And that association--is the sort of thing one just sort of osmoses from the culture. Along with the idea that feminism has done its job--hey, look, we can vote, we don't have to take our husband's name, there are ovaries present in sports and politics well, sort of, and we're all over the workplace making less money.

So, yeah, I didn't consider myself a feminist, because the culture has tacked a miasma of "radical man-hating" around the word. (I did know enough to know that there's sex-positive feminism, versus the old all-sex-is-rape trope that gets trotted out now and then by people who don't like Firefly, but I admit that that was pretty much it.) And I like my bras, because otherwise they bounce and it hurts; and I have a decent prospect in life; etcetera. Mostly you'd just hear me ranting from time to time about how I believe in equal-opportunity consensual objectification, thank you. (Which I blame on reading Elfquest at a young age, where all the hot elves of both genders are half-naked and horny.) Or the bits of annoyance that, yeah, it's not exactly fair that possessing one set of genitals gets you held to a beauty standard that entails spending massive amounts of time and effort and money, not to mention starving yourself and wearing uncomfortable shoes, while possessing the other set of genitals entails you to shave only the visible bits. Especially the starving yourself bit; that I get cranky about, especially after reading another blog. But.

I think my train of thought has--not quite derailed, but has paused at an intersection of several tracks and is sitting, mulling, and sending the people out with the blankets for the sleeper cars. But at least it's acquired a shiny new label to add to its collection: feminist.

On an irrelevant note (B-flat!), I give you the "501(c)(3) non-profit organization dedicated to toasters - yes, that's correct, the kitchen appliance."

On a Stars related note (A!), I need to reboot my writerbrain. (kink_bingo fucking exhausted me.) I've been poking at it. Brainstorming. Got my hands on the scans of the old origin stories for Ant-Man and the Wasp, and Hen's past and inner life is finally coming together in my head. And it's also become clear that this fic is spawning sequels. God help us all. Mostly the Yellowjacket arc, which would need to be in a separate thing for timeline and tone issues, and which I'm, frankly, fucking terrified of writing. All issues of huge sprawling writing projects aside, I know how it should go, and I don't know if I can go there.

HOLY CRAP I HAVE A TON OF STUFF TO POST.

So let's start with, like, the non-fandom non-sex general-interest stuff.

1. WHO GOT THOR DRUNK? It's dark as night and bucketing out there. Holy fuck it's awesome. (endymion_stcyr thinks it might have been him.)

2. YET MORE SPONTANEOUS IRON MAN. I will (most likely) be seeing Iron Man (AGAIN, I KNOW, BITE ME) this Saturday night at 9:20 at the Fresh Pond theater. (Only time it's playing anywhere around here.) JOIN ME. BRING SLASH GOGGLES.

3. As perhaps can be deduced by the amount of capslock in this post, I am feeling quite chipper today, and very productive and high-energy. Work was busybusy but GOODbusy. Helped organize a last-minute emergency mailing of 2034293845 bottles of toothpaste. (I don't work in dentistry, I work in homeland defense. Long story.) Got some damn good work done in Access, learning my way around, doing fun things with forms, and getting surprisingly close to having a first build of that database for other people to use. (Well. Okay. I still have to learn to do reports. :P) Working on fixing somebody's computer. Finally got it set up so my boss is sharing his calendar with me so I can be more assistanty. Etcetera.

4. Also very close to getting the MASSIVE CHUNK OF FIC that involves Andrea pwning Ty done. *flails* Only the hardest part left, go me!

5. Catch up on LJ comments. Eek!

THINGS TO DO THIS WEEKEND/SOOOOOON:

1. Actually, y'know, MAKE all my Blogathon donations.

2. Contact people who don't seem to have made their donations for mine yet.

3. Finish Blogathon request fic, both the aformentioned chunk of Stars and some hot Stark-on-Stark-snark for the terminally awesome quigonejinn.

4. REC STUFF. quigonejinn broke my brain with the ammonite of wrong, and I have to explain how.

5. REC MORE STUFF. ironman_lounge is having a rec-a-thon this weekend, and I want to throw in my two cents, 'cause I haven't seen some of my favorite stuff in the fandom up there yet. (What is it with me and 'thons?)

6. SEX POSTS. Because the past few days my brain has been, like, sex all the freakin' time. And it has been a while since I TMIed all over this journal. (Will be cut, don't worry.) And I lost, like, my last major virginity last night, and damn it was good. (Note to self: Celexa does not dampen my sex drive. If anything it amps it.)

7. Craigslist ads for housing!

THINGS TO DO, LIKE, WITHIN THE MONTH

1. FIND A FUCKING APARTMENT HOLY SHIT.

2. Write at least one line's worth of my kink_bingo, since I've freakin' forgot about it, and the deadline for scoring is September. Have part of one fic, bunnies for three more, and nothing more. By virtue of line completion, I have to write bukkake, and I'm FLAT EMPTY of bunnies for that. If I write a second line, it will overlap in rough sex, so I will have to come up with another one for that, but, hey, that's like, almost vanilla compared to most of this shit.

3. Either make serious headway on or finish the PHP-age for my website or give the fuck up and update manually. Haven't updated since June. Have written some fairly widely recced fics since then. Want. Things. On. Site.

4. Make myself a nice LJ style while I'm at it? Y'know, in my copious spare time?

5. GET LAID MORE THAN ONCE A MONTH.

6. Finish some more fic? That would be nice. Heck, I've got a Steve/Tony one-shot that's just awaiting editing. More stuff that's, like, written in my head and I just need to buckle down and take it down. (Like, well, most of Stars. And more Steve/Tony, and Tony/Yinsen, and random gen, and fuuuuuuuucked up Utena fic. Not like I ever write Utena fic that's NOT fucked up. And spoilery. And fucked up.)

No, this isn't the Blogathon announcement. Though that will be coming soon!

I'm offering fic on livelongnmarry, which is a community (not all fandom) raising money to defend California's equal marriage laws. They're working on a bidding system, so I only have to write one fic in the end (which is good for me--means I won't flake out!), which means y'all only have one chance!

THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!

Ahem. Ignore the references to a show I've never seen! ^^

SO. GO. Bidding starts tonight at midnight PST.

*selfpimps*

My pet Iron Man slash theory.

( Spoilers. )

Also, for the record, I am one of the (seemingly) few who was fairly impressed by Pepper. I mean, good god, compared to what passes for a female lead in, say, Spiderman? Pepper's smart, in control of herself (unlike Mary Jane, who's a codependent wreck who marries the first guy who stands still long enough while moping after the other, and maybe the other, and probably that guy on the street corner because she has no clue what to do with herself), has a bitch of a job and does it well (EXECUTIVE ASSISTANTS UNITE!), is never taken hostage or made a victim (unlike Mary Jane, who seems to lead her natural life screaming in villainous clutches), runs like the devil in spike heels, and generally acts like a clever and collected person who's in way over her head and makes a damn good show despite it. So, yeah, she isn't Not Interested in Tony--but if I understand the comics canon correctly (er, Wikipedia) and they stick to it, he isn't going to be her one and only great love interest. Yeah, she has to be organized and reliable enough for herself and her boss, but, face it, that's just blunt realism--something this movie likes to do when it can. And yeah, she isn't out there fighting, just running around backing up Tony, but. Well. I consider myself a brave person, but when guys are duking it out in nigh-invincible metal armor, I'd stay the fuck back myself. Only sensible. Unless there was a rocket launcher and I knew how to use it. (Even then I'm not sure it would do any good. But at least I'd be doing something besides scurrying about waiting to be told what might be useful.)

So clearly in the next movie Pepper needs to learn how to use rocket launchers.

I guess what this boils down to is--no, Pepper isn't a female hero, so any complaints about her not being a hero are justified. I don't necessarily expect to see that in this movie or sequels; it's a very high-testosterone military sort of superheroing. (This is not to say there shouldn't be, but I don't expect it.) But she's a darn good female sidekick. And sure, yeah, I'd like to see a female hero with a male sidekick too, but how the fuck could they do that and stick to canon? Different movie. And different character.

Pepper != Wonder Woman. But, within the same category of character, Pepper >>> Mary Jane.

Gacked from fandom_me

(For to get pelted with crack when I'm going about homeless?)

The thing is, when people look for stories, they always make it sound like badfic. Now, often that's because it really is badfic, but sometimes it's good and they just suck at describing the story.

So, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to summarize badly any one (or more!) of my stories, as if you were posting asking for a link you lost to a fic, and I'll try to guess which it is. You could even pretend you don't remember the pairing or fandom to make it harder to guess.

My fic can be found here (most fandoms), here (Myst fandom), and here (WIPs and things I haven't gotten around to archiving yet).

Replaying. Currently in motherfucking chocobo land Mi'ihen.

( Pairing ramble, vague spoilers for X and X-2. )

So in my dream last night, I was talking with somebody--likely cktraveler--about random aspects of the Potterverse, and somehow, in dream logic, somebody was asking us what we thought the general computational ability of the wizarding world was. cktraveler asked, "in integer or floating point?"

And I remember sitting for a moment in thought, and then jumping to my feet with sudden inspiration and pointing and yelping, "Maybe THAT'S what Arithmancy is!" (For this is a question we frequently ask--what the hell is Arithmancy?) Because I'd suddenly had this theory of Arithmancy being, at least in part, the fine art of building magical calculation machines, little complicated buzzing and levitating and clicking wizarding computers, with parts all Transfigured and Charmed to do their job, and probably, yes, able to do quite impressive floating point calculations.

And I had the image of the first Arithmancy class, with the mysterious Professor Vector--who remained of indeterminate gender, with short very dark brown hair, and had a teaching style somewhat like a laid-back and friendly Snape, even sometimes cracking a very dry joke. Prerequisites of at least an A in both Transfiguration and Charms, for making the stuff--though of course this was dream logic, as that's OWL grading and you start Arithmancy in third year if you opt for it... Students were in majority Ravenclaw, and also, surprisingly enough, in majority women, with a few Huffles and Gryffies scattered here and there, and in the back corner, two dark-haired, fifth-year Slytherin girls, very dykeish and seriously focused. (Srsly. In this dream Arithmancy was totally the dyke class.) At this point it was like I was plotting a ficlet, though I could not tell whether Hermione or Albus was the viewpoint character...

cktraveler, in the dream, disagreed strongly, in part because she didn't think something as specific as making computers would be a Hogwarts subject in its own right. But I thought, and still think upon waking, that this idea is so bloody cool that it makes me incoherent.

Sorry for the nonexistence, by the way. Have been going through an introvert phase, and also putting most of my non-work energies (and work is exhausting!) into prep work for Hallowed.

Speaking of which, character profile and backstory ficlet for Merope! Go! Bask in the misery!

So here I am, twenty-four hours later, totally unslept and reasonably well-fed, mostly-naked and well-flirted-with, and, most important, bearing a more-or-less complete fic!

SPONSOR THANKS:
boblovesmusic
dannybailey
delerone (extra thanks, wow!)
emmagrant01
eustaciavye
ineffablewombat
mgrasso
mirrored_echo
mllelaurel
nevacaruso
shadesong
supremegoddess1
x_bluerose_x (extra thanks, wow!)
for a total of $221!
(and you can still sponsor until, I believe, Tuesday at 7 PM CST; please click here to do so!)

TEAM VENTURE FELLOW BLOGGERS:
mllelaurel
rafaela
shadesong
slipjig

TEAM VENTURE SUPPORT:
marmota
mgrasso
mirrored_echo
pseydtonne
yendi
(and I think another few names I never caught, and of course Max, Jack, and Tory, the lovely kitties)

ONLINE SUPPORT:
Andrew, my Official Monitor
chaoticmatter, Team Ventures Unofficial Monitor
mctabby
nevacaruso

and noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow.........

Fic Links

being a correspondence between Albus P.W.B. Dumbledore and Gellert Grindelwald, and being also somewhat unedited and in need of a title, but done, in the end, for the Greater Good:
GG, 09/10/51
AD, 10/13/51
GG, 10/16/51
AD, 11/12/51
AD, 08/04/52
GG, 09/26/52
AD, 10/13/52
GG, 11/19/52
AD, 01/01/53
AD, 04/18/56
GG, 07/11/56
AD, 08/02/56
GG, 09/27/56
AD, 02/28/57
GG, 03/15/57
AD, 05/17/57
GG, 06/30/57
AD, 12/05/57
GG, 12/25/57
GG, 07/12/66
AD, 09/05/66
GG, 12/25/68
GG, 12/25/70
AD, 12/13/81
GG, 12/25/81
AD, 12/25/95
GG, 01/96
AD, 06/09/97
GG, date unknown
OO, 07/21/97

*takes a deep breath*

I DID IIIIIIIIIIT!

About 9,500 total words of fic!

And I feel surprisingly good!

( DH spoilers; GG, date unknown )

( DH spoilers; OO, 7/21/97 )

And that, at last, would be that.

BREAKFAST.

[entry in the Grindeldore for Goats Blogathon Venture; sponsor me here!]

( DH spoilers; AD, 6/9/97 )

Only one more entry in this to go. Once I'm done with that, will probably spend the rest of Blogathon spamming and catching up on your comments.

[entry in the Grindeldore for Goats Blogathon Venture; sponsor me here!]

( DH spoilers; GG, 1/96 )

[entry in the Grindeldore for Goats Blogathon Venture; sponsor me here!]

( DH spoilers; AD, 12/25/95 )

I think that in the final version there may be a few letters through the 80's, rather than jumping straight to OotP-era, but that is more character filler than anything else, solidifying their relationship. I want to be able to finish the basic structure of the fic during Blogathon per se, and I have a darn good chance of finishing that if I jump to the last few letters now.

[entry in the Grindeldore for Goats Blogathon Venture; sponsor me here!]

( DH spoilers; GG, 12/25/81 )

I feel like I'm...slipping, a little. Partially the writing overload, partially the sleep-dep. Feel a little off the mark. But...bravely onwards! For GOATS! Revision later is my friend.

My fortune: "Tonight will be a lucky night." + in bed! BUT I'M NOT SLEEPING! and I don't have time to have sex. :/

[entry in the Grindeldore for Goats Blogathon Venture; sponsor me here!]

( DH spoilers; AD, 12/13/81 )

[entry in the Grindeldore for Goats Blogathon Venture; sponsor me here!]

( DH spoilers; GG, 12/25/68 )

( DH spoilers; GG, 12/25/70 )

[entry in the Grindeldore for Goats Blogathon Venture; sponsor me here!]

( DH spoilers; GG, 7/12/66 )

( DH spoilers; AD, 9/5/66 )

[entry in the Grindeldore for Goats Blogathon Venture; sponsor me here!]

( DH spoilers; AD, 12/5/57 )

( DH spoilers; GG, 12/25/57 )

...now they're saying something about mullet mardi-gras beads, and shadesong is getting bodypainted.

[entry in the Grindeldore for Goats Blogathon Venture; sponsor me here!]

( DH spoilers; GG, 6/30/57 )

[entry in the Grindeldore for Goats Blogathon Venture; sponsor me here!]

( DH spoilers; AD, 5/17/57 )

HALFWAY MAAAAAAAAAARK!

Hopefully Mark will go all the way with me soon.

[entry in the Grindeldore for Goats Blogathon Venture; sponsor me here!]

( DH spoilers; GG, 3/15/57 )

Hair rescued, huzzah! And kitties, kitties, kitties, kitties, kitties, kitties, kitties...

[entry in the Grindeldore for Goats Blogathon Venture; sponsor me here!]

( DH spoilers; AD, 2/28/57 )

[entry in the Grindeldore for Goats Blogathon Venture; sponsor me here!]

( DH spoilers; GG, 9/27/56 )

...I had to hit Wikiquote for the Stein. I fail at lit major.

[entry in the Grindeldore for Goats Blogathon Venture; sponsor me here!]